Advent Calendar Day Two

Here we are again, and another newcomer to the world of advent calendar-based annoyance.

Day Two

Fiona Bruce

Television news is very much a one-way medium, yet somehow this achingly arrogant woman shows how much she hates you, and you don't even have to press the red button to get this level of interaction. Our Fiona adopts the same pose, no matter the severity, tragedy or light-heartedness of the item she's drawling about; left arm on the desk, leaning subtly forward, head cocked, eyebrow raised, slight smirk. She manages to reduce the biggest devastation on the world stage to idle watercooler gossip.

And that's just the news. This woman, whose face you could grate cheese on, seems to be the shoehorned current favourite of the BBC brass (since Natasha fucking Kaplinsky left for the green, green crass of Five and extended multiple instances of maternity leave), and they seem to find a new misplaced vehicle for her every week. She's been in more vehicles lately than a hooker working extra shifts, where she's had more chances than ever to mug to the camera. It's not a pleasant image, having Fiona Bruce-shaped screen burn on my TV.

Rather anachronistically, she also seems to be an ardent monarchist, sycophancy smarming from every chiselled pore as she interviews the nation's favourite grandfather, Prince Philip, or  gushes messily over another fucking building that the Queen owns. More so than Selina Scott and the aforementioned Kaplinsky before her, she is very much the real-life avatar of Sally Smedley, yet utterly joyless without an Andy Hamilton/Guy Jenkin script around her.

One final question; is she worth £500,000+ per annum to read smugly from an autocue?

No. No she isn't.

Back tomorrow!