Shit Britons 2011 - For Your Consideration Part 2 - Russell Howard

Hello!

Time for another suggestion for your Shit Britons votes (it could do with a bit of prompting; last year, they flooded in. It's been a bit of a limp trickle this year so far).

I opened up a can of worms in December when I posted my first window for the Dystopian Advent Calendar. I casually mentioned what an obnoxious, puerile waste of scheduling Russell Howard was. Three months later, an angry (deluded) fan stumbled upon my blog and sent an angry reply. So livid were they, that they forgot to spell correctly or adhere to basic grammatical rules. It would seem that I, nor indeed anyone else, is entitled to their own opinion if it deviates from their own misguided set of values. Oh, and 'popular' means 'right', apparently. So if waving a cute little puppy over a blazing fire suddenly came into fashion, you'd be wrong not to do it. This is the kind of idiotic thinking that gets the hive brain cell so worked up over the fucking "journey" of X Factor contestants.

Without further ado, here's the second voting suggestion video for this year's Shit Britons.

But don't let me tell you how to vote. You can vote for whoever you like...

How to vote

You can vote for any British person from all of history (not that I've seen very much of that going on), so long as you think they're reason enough to make you feel ashamed of being from Blighty. You can vote for as many different people as you like, once per person. 

You can cast your votes via any of these methods:

1. Join Dystopian Fuchsia (link on the right hand side of the site) if you haven't already, and post a comment on this (or either of the other two Shit Britons 2011 posts so far).

2. Tweet me (@IanHewett) with the hashtag #DFShitBritons2011.

3. Email me at dystopianfuchsia@gmail.com, with the title "Shit Britons 2011".

Voting closes 31/7/11, results in early August. Ta!

Oh, by the way, happy birthday to me.

Shit Britons 2011 - For Your Consideration Part 1 - Rebekah Brooks

Well, what a bizarre couple of weeks. I shan't go into details, as the non-Murdoch parts of the media (and Twitter) will be doing that in force for months to come, but the demise of the News of the World, leading to the unemployment of its 200-odd staff to save the neck of (alleged) phone hacking approver Rebeka(Cell Block)h Brooks, has been a bittersweet tale. As wonderful as it is to see Rupert the Bare-Faced Tosser's empire begin to crumble (perhaps), the reason for the dreadful redtop's closure (the alleged hacking of Milly Dowler's voicemail) is horrifying.  That somebody can trade in their humanity for 30 pieces of silver is one thing, the fact that it was (again, allegedly) in the name of a very powerful political propaganda machine is a terrifying thought. Murdoch's newspapers have (unfortunately) been highly instrumental in influencing the vote. No doubt their reliance on scandal began to give the public a taste for reality TV. For that alone, I can never forgive them.

Anyway, Shit Britons is still running (closing date 31/7/11). Undecided on who to vote for? Here's an idea...

Of course, you can vote for anybody British from all of history (though last year's winner, James Corden, seems to be lagging behind somewhat this year), but I felt Brooks deserved a special mention. Post your votes at @IanHewett on Twitter, using the hashtag #DFShitBritons2011. New to Shit Britons? Read all about this year's contest here: http://www.dystopianfuchsia.com/2011/07/shit-britons-2011.html

Thank you. The results will be announced in early August. Happy voting!

Fuchsia Shocks: Episode 3

Afternoon. Apparently, there was something or other going on today. Look back at my post Blue Blood And Other Congenital Mutations for my thoughts on it.

In more important news, David Croft and Jimmy Perry's loveable Cockney sitcom EastEnders celebrates its 26th birthday this year. To celebrate, the BBC are releasing a compilation DVD of the best bits (as you and the BBC know, Best Of DVDs, with clips selected by someone else, are always much, much better than owning the complete series of something).

EastEnders: 26 Years of Cockney Capers features all of your cheeky Walford favourites.

Apples 'n' Pears!

Watch beloved Queen Vic stalwarts Den 'n' Ange as they stick together through thick and thin, no matter what scrapes ladies man Den gets 'em into!

Whistle 'n' Flute!

Those loveable Mitchell Brothers Grant 'n' Phil... what Barney Rubble will they drag their Ma through next?

Brown Bread!

26 years on, they still don't know what to do with lazy stinking 'dead' man Reg Cox. What will he get up to next?

Ooh, Me Farmers!

Dozens of special features, including cheeky chirpy Lucas's Trail of Terror game, James Wilmott-Brown fun-packed fact file, and featurette "Doof Doof", showcasing Laura Beale's tumble down the stairs in a frame-by-frame analysis by "Mad" Frankie Fraser and Duncan Goodhew.

Watch a cut-down version of everyone's favourite funsters' DVD:

Fuchsia Shocks Episode 2

Another day, another future DVD.

No doubt you're enoying the current series of Masterchef as much as I am. As it's ending, the BBC, eager to capitalise on its gastro-cash-cow, are launching a spin-off DVD in the coming months.

Get ready for MASTERCHEF: OFFALGEDDON!

Hosted as ever by a  mockney weeble and some end-of-the-night, down-on-his-luck, dishevelled loner, they drag back the current contestants to face their toughest challenge yet...

They say the first bite is with the eye. Can 3 esteemed restaurant critics spot the eye staring back at them from the plate? Our intrepid amateurs must heavily disguise the most unappetising slop as gourmet cuisine. From human brains to dead cats, from pigs' intestines to a contestant's own finger, can they fool the humourless critics long enough before gastro-entiritis sets in? Put a smile on your nan's face; pre-order a copy today!

Masterchef: Offalgeddon
DVD coming soon

Plus, watch an exclusive clip below... but don't click if you're squeamish.

Incidentally, I really should complain to Tesco about their choice of Easter Eggs they stock...

Part of Cadbury's PedEgg range.
They had unfortunately sold out of Jonathan Kings.



Fuchsia Shocks:Episode 1

Hello. Welcome to the first of a regular feature where we preview the DVDs of the future. When you watch these, you'll most likely be wearing a silver space suit, eating roast dinners in capsule form and riding a hoverboard, but dreaming of what's yet to come is the central guiding force of humankind. For millennia, Man (and woMan... phew, that was close) has gazed up at the stars and dreamed of owning these very products. So let's bang on, eh?

We're fortunate today to get the jump on every other website, by exclusively revealing two titles due for release during the highly competitive Christmas gifting season, from BBC Video and 2|entertain.

One could get highly irritated by their complete inability to release shows which are crying out for venturing onto shiny beermat (see Please Release Me, above), but these two new DVDs have swept away all claims I could have made about them being slow on the uptake, missing a trick, and possibly something about personal hygiene.

First up...

The One Show Complete Series Box Set
Volume 1 shown (of a 40-volume collection)
A handsome addition to any DVD collection, deserving of its
own annex. Worthy of the extra cost.

It's the ONE you've been waiting for! Finally, all 1000+ episodes of smash hit BBC One early evening drudgery The One Show are heading your way in a complete series box set! All uncut, too-hot-for-TV director's cut episodes feature commentary tracks from every host. Plus! Dozens of bonus features, such as "Where Are They Now... And Why?" featurette, focusing on Hardeep Singh Kohli, Carol Thatcher and Jason Mamford, extended  karaoke version of The One Show theme tune, and exclusive CCTV footage of Adrian Chiles stalking Christine Bleakley, plus the hilarious answerphone messages he left her. Don't miss out on this 200 disc box set, retailing at a mere £999.99, just in time for Christmas. Put a smile on grandma's face!

Next...

Wonders Of The Lovely Professor Brian Cox DVD
A lavish series of stills of the science teacher you
wish you had, featuring starwipe upon starwipe
for your viewing pleasure.

Do you like Professor Brian Cox? Of course you do. Ever wish you could just watch him on mountaintops and not worry about learning about science and that? This is the show for you!

Wonders Of That Lovely Professor Brian Cox is for those nobbers that want their fix of physics guru Professor Brian Cox, but can't be bothered to listen to his sage wisdom about pulsars, Gliese 581D, dark matter and entropy. Put a smile on your mum's face this Christmas with this beautiful DVD.

Not convinced? Click below to watch an exclusive clip...

Wonders Of That Lovely Professor Brian Cox

Click here for a slightly more HD version

I hope that these end up on your Christmas wish list. You'd better get those pre-orders in pretty damn sharpish...