Saturday 24 December 2011

Advent Calendar Day 24

It's Christmas Eve! As ever, the advent calendar, which should end on day 24, has an extra one for the big day tomorrow. In the meantime, day 24 could only be one thing...

Day 24

Broken

Britain.

With so much wrong in the world, we're in serious trouble because of a small number of greedy bastards, and their mates are in government. Corruption seeps from every pore of this sick land, and we've reached breaking point. The riots and looting from earlier this year are just the tip of the iceberg, the phone hacking scandal has yet to claim any scalps (Brooks and Murdoch remain unimprisoned, for example), television is falling prey to dumbed-down reality shows, end-of-the-pier talent shows hosted by people without any talent, dreadful comedians polluting the schedules with their safe light entertainment boredom, our prime minister has isolated us even further from the rest of Europe and the world economy is in tatters.

Still, it's Christmas, eh? Let's forget about the terror and the middling disappointment for a few days and enjoy time with our loved ones, get merry and enjoy Doctor Who on the telly.

Be back tomorrow for the annual Christmas story!

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Children's Television: The Re-Imagining

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Ulysses 31

The Odyssey drifted soundlessly through the void, its captain tired but happy. Despite all the evidence, he'd never really considered how their adventures seemed to recall ancient Greek mythology. The clues were always there, to be fair, but Ulysses was usually too busy preening to think about it, his flowing locks and Richard Stilgoe beard the most important things in the universe. Since putting two and two together (realising that he was called Ulysses was quite a large clue), he abandoned his quest to save his crew, and searched the galaxy for those more colourful aspects of ancient Greece that he'd read about on the, um, Space Internet.

The past fortnight, they'd spent time on the planet Dionysia 5, in the city of Orgion. Perhaps not the best of things to expose Telemachus to at his age, but what sort of father would he be if he didn't, somehow, explain the birds and the bees? Here he now stood on the bridge of his ship, the echoes of his son's vomiting echoing along the bulkhead, Ulysses headed to his quarters, passing the telepathic Yumi. She paused to read his mind, screamed, and ran down the corridor in floods of tears. Ulysses decided to have a cold shower.

He reached his quarters, the shame of a fortnight's debauchery weighing heavily on his conscience. There, sprawled coquettishly on his bed, was the creepy little robot Nono, as apt a name as any right now, as he made suggestive gestures with a rusty screw. Ulysses felt nauseous, slightly concerned at the burning itch that had flared up.

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Saturday 24 December 2011

Advent Calendar Day 24

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Ulysses 31

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Saturday 24 December 2011

Advent Calendar Day 24

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