Saturday 17 December 2011

Advent Calendar Day 17

One week until Xmas Eve, folks. Let's bang on with the final week of the Dystopian Advent Calendar, eh?

Day 17

Rupert Murdoch

Something, something, something, Dark Side...

Something, something, something, complete.

What can I say that you aren't already thinking or have thought? I was thinking about replacing his face with that of Old Man Potter from It's A Wonderful Life, but that would've been too fucking obscure (though seasonal, I suppose). Suffice to say, this year has finally seen some major damage to his evil empire, with News of the Screws forcibly going under, a complete Sky takeover being blocked, and some attention-hungry comedian you've never heard of hitting him in the face with a pie. Fingers crossed, this time next year something devastating will happen to Fox News, The Sun and the Murdoch family's ill-gotten fortune.

Vile.

Oh, be back tomorrow for the continuing adventures of David Cameron and Skeletor in the second part of the Shit Britons 2011 special He-Man episode, Coalition of Doom!

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Children's Television: The Re-Imagining

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Ulysses 31

The Odyssey drifted soundlessly through the void, its captain tired but happy. Despite all the evidence, he'd never really considered how their adventures seemed to recall ancient Greek mythology. The clues were always there, to be fair, but Ulysses was usually too busy preening to think about it, his flowing locks and Richard Stilgoe beard the most important things in the universe. Since putting two and two together (realising that he was called Ulysses was quite a large clue), he abandoned his quest to save his crew, and searched the galaxy for those more colourful aspects of ancient Greece that he'd read about on the, um, Space Internet.

The past fortnight, they'd spent time on the planet Dionysia 5, in the city of Orgion. Perhaps not the best of things to expose Telemachus to at his age, but what sort of father would he be if he didn't, somehow, explain the birds and the bees? Here he now stood on the bridge of his ship, the echoes of his son's vomiting echoing along the bulkhead, Ulysses headed to his quarters, passing the telepathic Yumi. She paused to read his mind, screamed, and ran down the corridor in floods of tears. Ulysses decided to have a cold shower.

He reached his quarters, the shame of a fortnight's debauchery weighing heavily on his conscience. There, sprawled coquettishly on his bed, was the creepy little robot Nono, as apt a name as any right now, as he made suggestive gestures with a rusty screw. Ulysses felt nauseous, slightly concerned at the burning itch that had flared up.

Read dozens more here. Send your requests to me on Twitter to @IanHewett.

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Saturday 17 December 2011

Advent Calendar Day 17

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Ulysses 31

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Saturday 17 December 2011

Advent Calendar Day 17

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