The Curse of Fanfic

...And so it came to pass that Russell T Davies and David Tennant left the world of Doctor Who. The End of Time Part Two did some things right... but so many things wrong. Oh, so wrong.

Happy New Year, by the way.

The massive build-up of the Time War and the return of the Time Lords and Gallifrey were epically mishandled. As a fan, I was looking forward to the Doctor's people making a return. However, as soon as they were back, they were gone again, but not before the scientifically-inaccurate appearance of Gallifrey in orbit around Earth. Why not just let it reappear back in the constellation of Kasterberous for Mr Moffat to do with as he pleases? Calling the Time Lord High President "Rassilon" is just poor writing; meaningless to casual or new viewers, and pissing in the face of fans who know their canon. The Doctor falling a couple of hundred feet and surviving (with a few scratches) flagrantly ignores the Fourth Doctor falling to his death and regeneration in Logopolis. The resolution and explanation of the Master's "sound of drums" was good, but it did seem like he was making it up as he went along. Timothy Dalton was brilliant, and John Simm was better as the Master. But, the plot device of "with a wave of his hand, his plan was undone" was all too convenient. The stand-off and his decision to attack the Time Lords instead of the Doctor was a nice finale to his character arc. But, like most things in this episode, it seemed tagged on, with no sense of aftershock. Everything RTD did here was just a flamboyant set-piece prior to the main event.

Bernard Cribbins was wonderful as ever, able to draw sympathy and emotion from the stoniest-hearted of viewers. After a list of maybe-deaths for the Tenth Doctor, that he dies (veeeeerrrry slowly) saving just Wilfred Mott was a nice touch, and surprisingly understated for Davies. Shades of The Caves of Androzani; no bad thing, but a much more clumsy affair than that classic. Speaking of Wilf, who was that mysterious Time Lady that kept appearing to him? You know what RTD is for never explaining that one? He's a bastard. It could have been any of Susan, Jenny, Donna, the Doctor's mother, or someone entirely different. Given just a couple of minutes of screen time, he could have explained it away. But, no. Instead, we had to have a very self-indulgent (on the parts of both Davies and the Doctor) segment prior to his regeneration, where he visits most of his travelling companions and allies from the past 4 years. The tiresome Martha Jones is now the tiresome Martha Smith-Jones, having forever ruined the character of Mickey Smith by marrying the poor bastard in an unnecessary plot contrivance. When Mickey signposted their marriage for the viewers, I laughed, and said "I hate you, Russell T Davies". I never usually speak to myself when watching stuff. Don't judge me. They're now independent alien hunters; how does a former (unqualified) medical student and UNIT defector fall into that? How do they get their weapons and ammo? Why aren't UNIT targeting them both as a threat since Torchwood themselves were treated so badly by the government not even a year ago? Ah well. It was an opportunity for Davies to showcase everything he'd introduced since the show came back in bite-size capsules. This meant a welcome appearance for Sarah Jane Smith and her son Luke; it was just a shame that for the purposes of this segment, no dialogue occurred between them. Credit to Tennant and Sladen, their facial expressions said it all. He meets the granddaughter of Nurse Redfern, his girlfriend from Human Nature/The Family of Blood, signing copies of her book (Verity Newman - nice touch, and very much not Davies's idea). Then, we have Captain Jack in the Mos Eisley Cantina, RTD-style, with another load of unnecessary self-referential (or is that 'reverential'?) monster appearances, the worst of which were Russell Tovey's ears. Christ, he only went and brought back Alonso Frame from the terrible Voyage of the Damned. Aside from RTD managing to shoe-horn one more inappropriate gay reference into the show, we see an Adipose, a Judoon and a Slitheen. I'm surprised we didn't see the Weeping Angels on the dancefloor, a different pose each time the lights strobed, or the ghost of Kylie. I wonder if, when I'm dying, I'll have the chance to do a spot of match-making before I snuff it. Perhaps even buy a lottery ticket for one of my amnesiac friends.

Oh yes. Donna. So, this big "if she remembers me she'll burn and die" from the Doctor turned out to be a load of rubbish. There I was, waiting for a bit of a resolution with Donna, she gets chased by some of the Masters, has a headache and a burst of energy, collapses... and that's it. Later, she's fine, and has forgotten again. It was just a load of convenient back-pedalling from Davies once again. Later, she's at her wedding, the Doctor says his goodbyes to Sylvia and Wilf (again, wonderful acting from Cribbins), gives them a lottery ticket for Donna (sigh), and off he goes again. Christ, Davies really does want to tie up every little loose thread with his gang. Apart from the important wasted opportunities and plot-holes, but hey. If Cribbins was not in this scene, I would have punched my telly. Why does everybody have to have a bloody happy ending?! Very poor for a drama. The worst was yet to come, when an animatronic Billie Piper, bizarrely dubbed by herself (though the voice didn't quite fit, just like in Turn Left), walked along on New Year's Day 2005 with Jackie, the streets of London covered in snow. Because that happened, obviously. Unless that's just crap shorthand for "it's on or around Christmas on a TV show". The Doctor-Davies says his goodbyes to his most favouritest ever companion, whilst the rest of the viewing public still grapples with the conundrum of why he couldn't just bloody leave that entire thread alone? We just don't care about Rose Tyler like you do, Russell. Too late now, but still. Thankfully, this is the last we'll ever see of her. Then, he sees Ood Sigma, and we know that the Longest Regeneration Ever is about to reach its climax. If the lengthy self-indulgence of the previous ten minutes or so of screen time was supposed to be a tribute to the Tenth Doctor, there should have been A Song For Ten playing, which, in The Christmas Invasion, was a wonderful piece of music composed by Murray Gold and sung by Neil Hannon from The Divine Comedy, set to a montage of Rose's family and the Doctor choosing his outfit in the Tardis. It defined that Doctor, and was unfortunately never used again. Okay, it bore more than a resemblance to I Wanna Hold Your Hand, but it was a lovely piece of music. It's the one at the top of this post. Strangely, back then, Davies seemed to know what he was doing, before "doing a Bowie" and writing unconnected things on scraps of paper, sellotaping them into a semblance of a script. Allegedly.

Anyway, the regeneration...

The Doctor's "I don't want to go" was a lovely touch. He really wasn't ready to die. Somehow, the regeneration destroys the interior of the Tardis, and we're left with Matt Smith as the Eleventh Doctor. He's brilliant. Nice little dig at Jon Pertwee ("Nose... I've had worse"). He's got the regeneration psychosis that every Doctor has when they change, so it's amusing to read comments on message boards saying that he's just copying Tennant. LOL, as 'they' say. The only thing I'm concerned with is "Geronimo" being a catchphrase... Please don't think that I'm slagging Russell off needlessly. I truly believe his first couple of years on Doctor Who showed a great deal of promise, nicely written and structured, and I still believe that as a person, he is a great ambassador for the show. His enthusiasm for it is still evident, but I think he overstretched himself, spread himself too thinly over it, Sarah Jane and Torchwood (it's a lovely image, I know), and if his 2009/2010 Specials were used at the show's return, it wouldn't have lasted five minutes. It really is time for several new brooms. I genuinely like the guy, and despite my criticisms of The End of Time Part Two, it was a much better show than the first part. I did really like it, but several moments did make me cringe, much in the same way that my other childhood sci-fi carry-over, the second Transformers film, did. It's the rationale of a fan, I'm afraid. We'll defend our franchises to the end, but are their worst critics. Russell should perhaps have reined in some of his worst fanfic-y tendencies, and let the drama take over. As I said before, if another 'fan' had been responsible for its return, it would have been littered with old canon and references. RTD has, for his swansong, given us his own Nu-Who fanfic canon. You've got to love him. But you've got to hate him, too. I'm looking forward to a bit of consistency again, like when the show first returned. It wasn't perfect, but it wasn't being overseen by a very tired man.

Goodbyeee....

Well, that's that. Era over. I actually enjoyed that episode, but, as ever, hoped for so much more. It prompted some very snooty feedback on Twitter from some, with Emma Kennedy igniting a flame-war amongst Doctor Who fans; the hypocritical writer of several episodes of Ker-Ching and Tracy Beaker for CBBC had the audacity to call it a 'children's programme', going so far as to ask one person, "how old are you?" when he gave a balanced, non-insulting point of view in her direction. Ha. It's a family programme, which does happen to have a lot of die-hard fans, old and new. It caters for a lot of people, but is by no means a 'children's programme'. A programme which is watched by children is a different thing altogether. As she herself pointed out, rightly, everybody is entitled to their opinions and taste. You have to draw a line in that argument when said person then tweets about Celebrity Big Brother. Apparently, there are some famous people in there. Apparently also, being the ex-girlfriend of one of the Rolling Stones qualifies you as a 'celebrity'. The sooner this ridiculous culture of celebrity, and those in the media who champion it ends, the better. Seriously, enough's enough. Mercifully, this is the final Celebrity Big Brother, with one more series of the regular show to go. However, the damage is done, and it's one of the chief reasons for bilge like Strictly Come Dancing, X Factor, Britain's Got Talent, I'm A Celebrity and so on being so huge. Yes, they cater for some tastes, but not mine. Thank goodness for stuff like Doctor Who, for people who like to be entertained by drama. If you like these reality shows, good for you. I happen to despise them.

This is what we have to look forward to in 2010:

Hopefully, it won't be London-centric like the Russell T Davies era. Tonally, it looks a world apart from the 2005-2009 Doctor Who; not so much in the way of bright primary colours everywhere. It actually looks like a modern take on 70s Who. I, for one, can't wait. I've been wrong before, but it looks wonderful, and Matt Smith appears to be a very capable Doctor - shades of Troughton and Davison. Squee, indeed. Oh, Murray Gold's back, too. New theme tune in the works, hopefully the incidental music will be toned down. Mark Gatiss has scripted an episode, too. Yay!

Until then, this'll be the last time I'll be mentioning Doctor Who. I promise. Back to the regular kind of stuff next time around. Just time to tell you that the Caption Competition will be up and running again this week, and that Destinauts is just around the corner. Please go to the site and follow it... Progress is good, all character designs are finalised, and the first script, plotting and layout has been completed. The first 'issue' should be up within the fortnight. Maybe sooner than that, you never can tell with these time-travelling supervillain types.

Anyway, hope you all had a brilliant New Year. Let me know what you got up to, and anything you've got planned for 2010. This blog has 9 followers (though more do read it)... with your help, I'd like to treble that this month. In return, I won't do any more RTD-style self-indulgant posts. Deal?