Fuchsia Shocks: Episode 3

Afternoon. Apparently, there was something or other going on today. Look back at my post Blue Blood And Other Congenital Mutations for my thoughts on it.

In more important news, David Croft and Jimmy Perry's loveable Cockney sitcom EastEnders celebrates its 26th birthday this year. To celebrate, the BBC are releasing a compilation DVD of the best bits (as you and the BBC know, Best Of DVDs, with clips selected by someone else, are always much, much better than owning the complete series of something).

EastEnders: 26 Years of Cockney Capers features all of your cheeky Walford favourites.

Apples 'n' Pears!

Watch beloved Queen Vic stalwarts Den 'n' Ange as they stick together through thick and thin, no matter what scrapes ladies man Den gets 'em into!

Whistle 'n' Flute!

Those loveable Mitchell Brothers Grant 'n' Phil... what Barney Rubble will they drag their Ma through next?

Brown Bread!

26 years on, they still don't know what to do with lazy stinking 'dead' man Reg Cox. What will he get up to next?

Ooh, Me Farmers!

Dozens of special features, including cheeky chirpy Lucas's Trail of Terror game, James Wilmott-Brown fun-packed fact file, and featurette "Doof Doof", showcasing Laura Beale's tumble down the stairs in a frame-by-frame analysis by "Mad" Frankie Fraser and Duncan Goodhew.

Watch a cut-down version of everyone's favourite funsters' DVD:

Fuchsia Shocks Episode 2

Another day, another future DVD.

No doubt you're enoying the current series of Masterchef as much as I am. As it's ending, the BBC, eager to capitalise on its gastro-cash-cow, are launching a spin-off DVD in the coming months.

Get ready for MASTERCHEF: OFFALGEDDON!

Hosted as ever by a  mockney weeble and some end-of-the-night, down-on-his-luck, dishevelled loner, they drag back the current contestants to face their toughest challenge yet...

They say the first bite is with the eye. Can 3 esteemed restaurant critics spot the eye staring back at them from the plate? Our intrepid amateurs must heavily disguise the most unappetising slop as gourmet cuisine. From human brains to dead cats, from pigs' intestines to a contestant's own finger, can they fool the humourless critics long enough before gastro-entiritis sets in? Put a smile on your nan's face; pre-order a copy today!

Masterchef: Offalgeddon
DVD coming soon

Plus, watch an exclusive clip below... but don't click if you're squeamish.

Incidentally, I really should complain to Tesco about their choice of Easter Eggs they stock...

Part of Cadbury's PedEgg range.
They had unfortunately sold out of Jonathan Kings.



Fuchsia Shocks:Episode 1

Hello. Welcome to the first of a regular feature where we preview the DVDs of the future. When you watch these, you'll most likely be wearing a silver space suit, eating roast dinners in capsule form and riding a hoverboard, but dreaming of what's yet to come is the central guiding force of humankind. For millennia, Man (and woMan... phew, that was close) has gazed up at the stars and dreamed of owning these very products. So let's bang on, eh?

We're fortunate today to get the jump on every other website, by exclusively revealing two titles due for release during the highly competitive Christmas gifting season, from BBC Video and 2|entertain.

One could get highly irritated by their complete inability to release shows which are crying out for venturing onto shiny beermat (see Please Release Me, above), but these two new DVDs have swept away all claims I could have made about them being slow on the uptake, missing a trick, and possibly something about personal hygiene.

First up...

The One Show Complete Series Box Set
Volume 1 shown (of a 40-volume collection)
A handsome addition to any DVD collection, deserving of its
own annex. Worthy of the extra cost.

It's the ONE you've been waiting for! Finally, all 1000+ episodes of smash hit BBC One early evening drudgery The One Show are heading your way in a complete series box set! All uncut, too-hot-for-TV director's cut episodes feature commentary tracks from every host. Plus! Dozens of bonus features, such as "Where Are They Now... And Why?" featurette, focusing on Hardeep Singh Kohli, Carol Thatcher and Jason Mamford, extended  karaoke version of The One Show theme tune, and exclusive CCTV footage of Adrian Chiles stalking Christine Bleakley, plus the hilarious answerphone messages he left her. Don't miss out on this 200 disc box set, retailing at a mere £999.99, just in time for Christmas. Put a smile on grandma's face!

Next...

Wonders Of The Lovely Professor Brian Cox DVD
A lavish series of stills of the science teacher you
wish you had, featuring starwipe upon starwipe
for your viewing pleasure.

Do you like Professor Brian Cox? Of course you do. Ever wish you could just watch him on mountaintops and not worry about learning about science and that? This is the show for you!

Wonders Of That Lovely Professor Brian Cox is for those nobbers that want their fix of physics guru Professor Brian Cox, but can't be bothered to listen to his sage wisdom about pulsars, Gliese 581D, dark matter and entropy. Put a smile on your mum's face this Christmas with this beautiful DVD.

Not convinced? Click below to watch an exclusive clip...

Wonders Of That Lovely Professor Brian Cox

Click here for a slightly more HD version

I hope that these end up on your Christmas wish list. You'd better get those pre-orders in pretty damn sharpish...

Children's TV Re-Imagining Update

Hi there.

I started this blog in 2009 with Children's Television: The Re-Imagining, and have added new ones every so often. Except I haven't added a new one for months, for many reasons. Well, two.

Firstly, I've been too busy. I've been working on Destinauts, my web comic (links on the right), and haven't had much time to even write a blog here. The other reason is that I've never been happy with the page itself. Too cumbersome. So, I'm looking into ways of making it look a bit better, more user-friendly, and, well, less shit.

I had a request from @HenryDoohan on Twitter to write a new Re-Imagining based on Ulysses 31, so I did.

The Odyssey drifted soundlessly through the void, its captain tired but happy. Despite all the evidence, he'd never really considered how their adventures seemed to recall ancient Greek mythology. The clues were always there, to be fair, but Ulysses was usually too busy preening to think about it, his flowing locks and Richard Stilgoe beard the most important things in the universe. Since putting two and two together (realising that he was called Ulysses was quite a large clue), he abandoned his quest to save his crew, and searched the galaxy for those more colourful aspects of ancient Greece that he'd read about on the, um, Space Internet.

The past fortnight, they'd spent time on the planet Dionysia 5, in the city of Orgion. Perhaps not the best of things to expose Telemachus to at his age, but what sort of father would he be if he didn't, somehow, explain the birds and the bees? Here he now stood on the bridge of his ship, the echoes of his son's vomiting reverberating along the bulkhead, Ulysses headed to his quarters, passing the telepathic Yumi. She paused to read his mind, screamed, and ran down the corridor in floods of tears. Ulysses decided to have a cold shower.

He reached his quarters, the shame of a fortnight's debauchery weighing heavily on his conscience. There, sprawled coquettishly on his bed, was the creepy little robot Nono, as apt a name as any right now, as he made suggestive gestures with a rusty screw. Ulysses felt nauseous, slightly concerned at the burning itch that had flared up.

I've also got to add the Thundercats one I did in the 100th Blog Post. Once I've found a page format I like, I'll write some more.

I might actually write a proper blog post one of these days too. 

For Anonymous: More harsh truths about Russell Howard, fickle humans and life in general

Hello, everyone. Lengthy absence... My father-in-law Richard passed away, and I lost my job (illegally) in the space of a month (I got my job back on appeal last week). Things have been all over the place. I need a nice, sane segue back onto Dystopian Fuchsia. Oh, hello, what's this..?

Back on December 1st, I posted this (squeamish uber-fans of Russell Howard, don't click the link! It contains somebody's actual opinions that you may disagree with):

http://www.dystopianfuchsia.com/2010/12/aaargh-its-dystopian-advent-calendar.html

The other day, I found an unmoderated comment on my blog dashboard. I thought I'd share it with you all, verbatim. It would seem that Mr Howard does indeed have his fans, though I hope not all of them are as dangerously hero-worshipping, illiterate, sensitive and unfamiliar with satire, caricatures and differing opinion.

By the way, Anonymous, if you are reading this, which I doubt, having lots of fans doesn't make it right. Slavery and Gary Glitter used to be quite popular. So anyway, over to Anonymous. With my responses edited in. Enjoy.

"Okay, you people dont like russell howard, we can all see that but is there any reason for the horrible comments about him? (yes, that was the point, and generally the tone of this blog - Ian) fine, if you dont like him, no one is fourcing you to, but just keep your comments to your selves (there's only one of me, and as this is my blog, I keep them to my blog, which people have the freedom to read or ignore. You chose to read them, disagree with them, and took the time to respond. Nobody "fourced" you to - Ian). i dont think people really want to see horrible comments like that do they (the world's a horrible place sometimes - Ian)? no matter what you think of the guy you cant deny that he has many fans out there who would happily argue thatwhat you all have said is a massive pile of bullshit, but each to there own i guess (I'm quite happy to see differing opinions to my own; if somebody is able to provide a convincing enough argument as to why I should think differently, then I will consider it. However, if people's opinions are laced with elementary grammatical and spelling errors, I tend to tune out. Incidentally, having lots of fans means absolutely nothing, and will not sway my opinion one jot; millions of people like the X Factor and its banal cover versions, the public being fickle fairweather fans until they're no longer flavour of the month, but I could wax lyrical over how much it has destroyed the music industry in this country, subjugating genuine talent. Popular means absolutely nothing. If you base who and what you follow on popularity, I genuinely feel sorry for you that you've let yourself get swept up with the unthinking cattle, and hope you find your own thoughts one day - Ian), and whats with the picture? (it's called a caricature - Ian) i think people have kinda gatherd that russell howard has a lazy eye but to be honest i dont really think it slowed him down any has it (I never said that it did. It's a caricature. - Ian), because no affence but i think he will be earning quite a bit more then you and me (what has that got to do with anything at all? - Ian), i think its wrong tht you pick up on one minor imperfect thing and make a meal out of it (I didn't. I assume you didn't notice his nose and mouth. - Ian), because No ones perfect these days are they? its just advice but keep it to yourselves (thanks, but no. If it bothers you, which it clearly has, don't read it or rise to it. Oh yes, I do have to emphasise, there's only one of me - Ian) as no one really wants to read horrible/ affenceive things, the worlds depressing enough thanks, (as I always say, end on a comma. To be honest, I don't really want to hear lazy racism. As a Russell Howard fan, defending every little detail about the man, I assume you're okay with racism? And I assume that by "keeping it to myself", you're in favour of subjugating free speech against a man who has the platform of two television shows and who I feel is the linchpin of comedy's downfall, along with the equally bland McIntyres, Kieltys and Whitehalls of this world. You do realise that you're starting to sound a little bit like a Nazi with "advice" like that, in a passive-aggressive tone? And you do realise that this is the internet, where every pillock has an opinion? Why, pray tell, can this pillock not have his opinion voiced? My blog tends to be about things which I feel are wrong; they could be as meaningless as a drab TV comic, or something as devastating as a Conservative government. The beauty of free speech is that I can write about it to my heart's content, and people can choose to read it, or not, agree with it, or not. I know nothing about you, Anonymous, and you know nothing about me. I don't know how you stumbled across my blog, but, no "affence", I don't think you're the target audience. Perhaps one day you'll take off your blinkers and realise that not everyone thinks the same as you. Good day, thanks for dropping by. - Ian)

By Anonymous on Aaargh! It's the Dystopian Advent Calendar 2010! on 27/03/11"

(I do feel sorry for Anonymous. I grew up in a time when comedy was subversive, clever and thought-provoking. Nowadays, most television comedy is homogenised boredom, and in the case of Russell Howard, lazy, childish and crude. I barely get comments posted on this blog; when I do, they're usually lovely. This stood out like a sore loser. I disagree with everything Anonymous has said, and I despair over the poor use of the English language, but have posted his/her comment regardless. Freedom of speech. Perhaps they can start their own blog and keep their opinions to themselves on there.)