Advent Calendar Day 3

Evening.

Well, it's bloody typical, innit? Whilst the rest of the UK suffers with harsh snowy conditions, we in Cardiff get rain. It's absolutely bucketing down. I'm not complaining as such. I just feel a tad left out. My kids, at least, are disappointed. Broken fucking Britain.

Speaking of problems plaguing this septic isle, you know who's still fucking well alive? It's time for Day 3 of the Dystopian Advent Calendar.

Yep, it's Paul sodding Daniels.

This man serves no purpose, other than to remind you that you might need to buy some lightbulbs when you go shopping. Married to a woman who's never been seen in the same room as Jasper Carrott, he's still appearing on TV after 30 or so fucking years. My god, he looks like the fucking Mekon. You're led to wonder when he's going to unleash his horde of Treens against Dan Dare and Digby. Such a huge ego for a product of Jim Henson's Creature Shop, the only magic trick he seems to perform is disappearing up his own arse. The only reason nobody's ever tried sawing him in half is nobody knows if the two halves will become smaller Paul Danielses. Can you imagine that in stereo? My god, it doesn't bear thinking of. I'm hoping that someone will persuade him to perform Houdini's escape-from-a-casket-full-of-water trick, and put some breeze blocks on the lid.

Perhaps somebody should ask him where he buried Martin.

Tune in (late) tomorrow for another edition of Nature's Cruellest Mistakes.