Oh noes! There's trouble in paradise. TV's golden (well, more sort of bronzey-orange) couple have hit a snag. Apparently, self-styled ITV mannequin/cheeky chappy/talent acid Vernon Kay has been sending flirty text messages to (ahem) 'glamour model' Rhian Sugden behind his wife Tess Daly's back. The blokey, arrogant, gruff Northern half of the couple is understandably upset at her husband's behaviour. Perhaps it's just the revelation that he's able to string a couple of words together.
Vernon 'n' Tess. I thought it would last forever. Who'd have guessed it was a career-friendly sham marriage-of-convenience made in light entertainment hell?
Anyway, here are some facts and speculations:
- It seems that the odds of getting a text from Vernon Kay are the same as being the next Sugababe. Fingers crossed!
- Perhaps the lure of a yoghurt saleswoman with a lobotomy scar wasn't enough for Our Vern.
- I can't wait for the Kay/Daly divorce so she can appear on Loose Women and he can have a breakdown in the jungle.
- Tess Daly. Rhian nightly.
- Northern tosser Kay admits to reusing the same message over and over. "But 'garlic bread' is comedy gold!" he admits.
- Maybe Vernon found out his wife's full name is Tess Tickle-Daly.
- Vernon's slowly but surely getting through the 2001 Census. It could be you!
- I wonder if Tess ever advertised natural yoghurt.
- I see Vernon and Tess are being dignified and tactful. Perhaps Kay Burley should interview them.
- It's the curse of Family Fortunes. It destroys light entertainment marriages of convenience.
- This could seriously affect Vernon's career. He was only 10 years away from graduating from ITV lowest common denominator fodder.
- I wonder if Vernon will join Josh's Band. Maybe he'll use his free minutes and texts for something else. That crazy Vernon!
- Wonder what network he's on. It might be t'Mobile. Doubt if it's Virgin.
Wait, I've just got a message.
Wd lk 2 mt up l8r.
Oh, Vernon, you silver-tongued twat.
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Fucking hilarious - don't give this up!
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